"A sexual relationship is an act of communion between body and spirit. This is a very important encounter, not to be done in a casual manner. You know that in your soul there are certain areas -- memories, pain, secrets -- that are private, that you would only share with the person you love and trust the most. You do not open your heart and show it to just anyone. In the imperial city, there is a zone you cannot approach called the forbidden city; only the king and his family are permitted to circulate there. There is a place like that in your soul that you do not allow anyone to approach except the one you trust and love the most.\n
\n\n
\nThe same is true of our body. Our bodies have areas that we do not want anyone to touch or approach unless he or she is the one we respect, trust, and love the most. When we are approached casually or carelessly, with an attitude that is less than tender, we feel insulted in our body and soul. Someone who approaches us with respect, tenderness, and utmost care is offering us deep communication, deep communion. It is only in that case that we will not feel hurt, misused, or abused, even a little. This cannot be attained unless there is true love and commitment. Casual sex cannot be described as love. Love is deep, beautiful, and whole.\n
\n\n
\nTrue love contains respect. In my tradition, husband and wife are expected to respect each other like guests, and when you practice this kind of respect, your love and happiness will continue for a long time. In sexual relationships, respect is one of the most important elements. Sexual communion should be like a rite, a ritual performed in mindfulness with great respect, care, and love. If you are motivated by some desire, that is not love. Desire is not love. Love is something much more responsible. It has care in it.\n
\n\n
\nWe have to restore the meaning of the word "love." We have been using it in a careless way. When we say, "I love hamburgers," we are not talking about love. We are talking about our appetite, our desire for hamburgers. We should not dramatize our speech and misuse words like that. We make words like "love" sick that way. We have to make an effort to heal our language by using words carefully. The word "love" is a beautiful word. We have to restore its meaning."\n
\n\n
\n~Thich Nhat Hanh, taken from 'The Third Precept: Sexual Responsibility'\n
\n\n
\nArtwork: Alex Grey ~ 'Tantra'
\n\n
\nThe same is true of our body. Our bodies have areas that we do not want anyone to touch or approach unless he or she is the one we respect, trust, and love the most. When we are approached casually or carelessly, with an attitude that is less than tender, we feel insulted in our body and soul. Someone who approaches us with respect, tenderness, and utmost care is offering us deep communication, deep communion. It is only in that case that we will not feel hurt, misused, or abused, even a little. This cannot be attained unless there is true love and commitment. Casual sex cannot be described as love. Love is deep, beautiful, and whole.\n
\n\n
\nTrue love contains respect. In my tradition, husband and wife are expected to respect each other like guests, and when you practice this kind of respect, your love and happiness will continue for a long time. In sexual relationships, respect is one of the most important elements. Sexual communion should be like a rite, a ritual performed in mindfulness with great respect, care, and love. If you are motivated by some desire, that is not love. Desire is not love. Love is something much more responsible. It has care in it.\n
\n\n
\nWe have to restore the meaning of the word "love." We have been using it in a careless way. When we say, "I love hamburgers," we are not talking about love. We are talking about our appetite, our desire for hamburgers. We should not dramatize our speech and misuse words like that. We make words like "love" sick that way. We have to make an effort to heal our language by using words carefully. The word "love" is a beautiful word. We have to restore its meaning."\n
\n\n
\n~Thich Nhat Hanh, taken from 'The Third Precept: Sexual Responsibility'\n
\n\n
\nArtwork: Alex Grey ~ 'Tantra'
Relationship Cancer: You Have it and Don’t Know it!
Cancer is a silent killer working its pernicious way into organs and eventually permeating the whole body. Cancer always has two characteristics: it never learns from its mistakes and it is unregulated or never tells itself no.
Will-Conflict is a vicious relationship cancer. This particular cancer has no limits and knows no boundaries once unleashed between two people. It thrives most in marital bonds, turning them into binds, yet can also manifest in professional interactions as well.
The Cause of Will-Conflict
Will-conflict is caused by two people resisting each other based on what each believes is fair. While the concept of fairness would appear to stabilize relationships keeping them together, it actually destabilizes relationships tearing them apart.
This fairness concept is fed by expectations from each persons different families growing-up. As two people interact based on what each thinks is fair, the disease slowly grows into attempts to “correct the record” and “balance the ledger.” The disease grows stronger as both people’s loyalty to fairness continues until full blown will-conflict emerges.
The Symptoms of Cancer
Relationships are dying at unprecedented rates infected by this cancer that grows silently below the surface masked as other symptoms. Most common symptoms of Will-conflict:
“We just can’t communicate.” Even insignificant conversations devolve into emotional reactivity.
Taking what your partner’s comments too personally, literally and seriously.
Assuming your partner knows what you know and should think, feel, act and react in ways that you’d think, feel, act and react reveal the budding seeds of will-conflict.
“I would have never said this or done that” is a telltale comment pointing to the developing disease.
Feelings of injustice continue the disease process and opposing positions are held more vehemently as differences threaten to undermine the relationship.
Eventually, polarization and self-protection format the relationship so completely that little to no listening, openness or understanding is even possible.
The Cure for Will-Conflict
A comprehensive reorientation to relationship is required to cure will-conflict.
Rather than allowing fairness’ tit-for-tat or quid-pro-quo to format relationships, humility to receive freely and simply say, "Thank you" will reverse will-conflict’s destructive path.
Receiving freely and functioning from personal ownership and responsibility rather than obligation to another’s standard is the chemotherapy that begins the healing process.
-Dr. Michael Semon
Cancer is a silent killer working its pernicious way into organs and eventually permeating the whole body. Cancer always has two characteristics: it never learns from its mistakes and it is unregulated or never tells itself no.
Will-Conflict is a vicious relationship cancer. This particular cancer has no limits and knows no boundaries once unleashed between two people. It thrives most in marital bonds, turning them into binds, yet can also manifest in professional interactions as well.
The Cause of Will-Conflict
Will-conflict is caused by two people resisting each other based on what each believes is fair. While the concept of fairness would appear to stabilize relationships keeping them together, it actually destabilizes relationships tearing them apart.
This fairness concept is fed by expectations from each persons different families growing-up. As two people interact based on what each thinks is fair, the disease slowly grows into attempts to “correct the record” and “balance the ledger.” The disease grows stronger as both people’s loyalty to fairness continues until full blown will-conflict emerges.
The Symptoms of Cancer
Relationships are dying at unprecedented rates infected by this cancer that grows silently below the surface masked as other symptoms. Most common symptoms of Will-conflict:
“We just can’t communicate.” Even insignificant conversations devolve into emotional reactivity.
Taking what your partner’s comments too personally, literally and seriously.
Assuming your partner knows what you know and should think, feel, act and react in ways that you’d think, feel, act and react reveal the budding seeds of will-conflict.
“I would have never said this or done that” is a telltale comment pointing to the developing disease.
Feelings of injustice continue the disease process and opposing positions are held more vehemently as differences threaten to undermine the relationship.
Eventually, polarization and self-protection format the relationship so completely that little to no listening, openness or understanding is even possible.
The Cure for Will-Conflict
A comprehensive reorientation to relationship is required to cure will-conflict.
Rather than allowing fairness’ tit-for-tat or quid-pro-quo to format relationships, humility to receive freely and simply say, "Thank you" will reverse will-conflict’s destructive path.
Receiving freely and functioning from personal ownership and responsibility rather than obligation to another’s standard is the chemotherapy that begins the healing process.
-Dr. Michael Semon
CHOOSING A SPOUSE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gnf7UOX2QJE&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gnf7UOX2QJE&feature=youtu.be
Love and partners
"They are not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if they can make you laugh at least once, cause you to think twice, and if he they admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto them and give them the most you can. They may not quote poetry, or they may be not thinking about you every moment, but they will give you a part of themselves that they know you could break. Don’t hurt them...don’t expect change and don’t expect for more than they can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when they make you happy, yell when they make you mad, and miss them when they’re not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect partners don’t exist, but there is always one person that is perfect for you." ~ Bob Marley
"They are not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if they can make you laugh at least once, cause you to think twice, and if he they admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto them and give them the most you can. They may not quote poetry, or they may be not thinking about you every moment, but they will give you a part of themselves that they know you could break. Don’t hurt them...don’t expect change and don’t expect for more than they can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when they make you happy, yell when they make you mad, and miss them when they’re not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect partners don’t exist, but there is always one person that is perfect for you." ~ Bob Marley
Before you get involved with someone, a gentle reminder. No one's perfect, they have a past, they've made mistakes here and there, and they're going to mess up sometimes. They're not always going to know what to do or say, they're not always going to be able to understand you. Yet if you still want to be with them after they gave you reasons why you shouldn’t be, then they deserve the best you have to give.